Instant Gratification

Instant Gratification

Your brain was literally built for it, but modern life has taken it way too far. In this episode, Heather and Katie break down why we crave instant rewards, how social media, food, and online shopping hijack your dopamine system, and what it actually takes to build the discipline to delay gratification.

Topics covered:

• Why dopamine is a motivation chemical, not just a pleasure chemical
• Unearned vs. earned dopamine, and why it matters
• The Marshmallow Study + the socioeconomic critique
• Hyperbolic discounting and how it tanks your long-term goals
• Practical strategies: the pause rule, visualization, don't keep it in the house

Join our Facebook Group

1:1 Fitness Coaching 

Transcript

0:05

Welcome to the Stronger Than Your Boyfriend Podcast, a podcast for anyone into fitness. We are Heather and Katie, owners of Barclays Fitness, here to help you dip through the bolstered and toxic misinformation that permeates the fitness industry. Today we are talking about instant gratification for all you love us. Yeah, so why do humans crave immediate reward? Well, it's not necessarily always your fault. Our brains evolved in scarcity environments. Grabbing food, grabbing a mate, or safe shelter like right now was was pretty important, right? It kept us alive. So delayed rewards were actually a gamble in those times. You might not live to collect said reward. Yes. So dopamine isn't just a pleasure chemical, as you know, as we think it is. I mean, it is, but it's also a motivation chemical. And it spikes in anticipation of a reward, and rightly so. So that's why scrolling, swiping, snacking for pleasure feels so magnetic and hard to break out of. Modern life hijacks this ancient survival system that we all have. Yeah, and modern life also creates it really hard to break these, I don't know if you can call them habits. They're kind of bad habits. And I don't know. They can, they can, they can get pretty deep. I mean, as far as bad habits go. But okay, what are we talking about when we're talking about instant gratification? Examples of this in everyday life, like we were just saying, social media. Social media is probably the worst offender right now because it is just something you can easily pull up on your phone. Everyone has iPhones, everyone has these apps downloaded, everyone has accounts and every there are, I bet there are trillions of videos between TikTok and Instagram, right? I mean, you can just unlimited. I mean, you could just continue to scroll. And you know, obviously the way that these apps and the algorithms are created is to keep get you and keep you addicted. So you're kind of you're playing with fire with that, and it's really hard to to stop, especially if you've grown up with it, which luckily we didn't. No I'm actually really happy I didn't grow up with an iPhone. Yeah. Because I feel like we'd probably all be like the kids are now. So, but you know, it's other, I guess, less intense examples of this. So, like when you see a parent with a crying kid and they want that kid to stop crying, and they just give that kid a treat in the moment. So they stop throwing a fit. That's instant gratification. Or an iPad. Yeah, or an iPad. Is that gonna, and again, I'm not a parent. I'm I ain't telling a parent what to do. Yeah. Do you? But like, will that teach the kid in the long run anything? I mean, anything other than if I throw a fit, I'll get what I want? No, probably not. If you continuously do that. Or if we're talking about fitness slash health, giving into cravings. So, you know, if you're just really wanting some ice cream and cookies for dinner instead of a balanced whole food meal, I mean, that's a that's a that's an exaggeration, and I understand that, but it's when you're trying not to and you just want something that feels good, yeah, you eat that cookie, you eat the ice cream, right? Skipping your workout because you're tired. That it feels good to not work out, but actually I would argue it feels better to work out. It's just really hard to start when you're feeling like you don't want to work out. It's hard to start, it doesn't feel good to start, and I think it's more mentally than anything versus physically, because usually when you do your workout, you feel better. Online shopping, that's a hard one. I wasn't looking at it. Look away. It means it's I mean, it's again, it's the apps. I mean, you could literally go on Amazon and scroll, scroll, scroll and add to cart and add to cart and add to cart. And it's dopamine hit. Yeah. But then you won't have any money left if you just continue to do that. Unless they're right. Definitely. But again, these companies study this. They know how dopamine hits work. As far as if we're talking about like the online shopping, the the social media, etc., and even the the processed foods. Yeah. There's food scientists. Yeah. Someone told me they knew someone who's a food scientist who literally works on engineering processed foods to be hyper palatable so that you become addicted to it. Wow. So, you know, I mean, if if it's really as simple as you posting something on Instagram and you getting likes for that, and you seeing those likes, that's a dopamine hit. That's instant gratification. Yeah. Right? So your brain wants this, and if you continue feeding it, it wants more and more of it. And again, kind of just like being active in modern life and and being fit and eating healthy, you have to go out of your way to do that stuff because modern society makes it really hard. Same thing with this. You have to go out of your way to delay gratification. Yes. And it's a lot better in the end when you do that. So it totally is. And I will say that I have I'm terrible at this. I love I'm sure you got better. Comfort, convenience. No, I have not gotten better. Okay, I have awareness though. I'm in awareness stage, you know, to fix a problem, you have to be aware. Oh, yeah, it's the aware. Isn't there four stages? Yeah, I don't know. There was something of that. I will say that it felt very validating when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Yes. Because impulsivity is how hyperactivity manifests when you're older, especially as a woman. Yeah. And so for me, being like hyperforming and all this stuff, the impulsivity is like it's both a control mechanism, like trying to regain control of something when I'm stressed, and it's me just, you know, wanting instant gratification. But I know it and I'm aware of it. And so maybe I am getting better and trying. I honestly think it's okay to give into instant gratification if you're aware. I think people just do it all the time because it's our default. Yeah. And they haven't, you know, there's a balance. If you're also actively delaying gratification, I feel like some instant gratification, because if you're talking about health and fitness and cravings, it's like you're gonna get your period, you're gonna want, you're gonna give in. Who fucking cares? You know, it's like one time. So it's more about are you just living that way? Yeah. Because then you're probably not necessarily like the highest performer at your job. I mean, you have to like, these are skills that you develop. Yeah. And and maybe that's not necessarily the case, but I think there's a lot of correlation between like high performers and delayed gratification. And oh, there are, yeah, there definitely are. And I I do think that I have weird coping mechanisms. So I just find the next thing that interests me, and I use that as instant gratification versus the thing I'm supposed to be doing. So basically like procrastination. Yeah. But because I'm doing something productive, uh-huh, it's not like super harmful. Yeah. Like I don't really do this with working out and food. I do just kind of I just don't have the food in my house that I want. Yeah. That's like the biggest thing. It's it's just not available. Yeah. So I can't give into that. And then with working out, I just know how important it is. Yeah. I just, yeah, it's it's worth it sometimes. Well, have you ever heard of the marshmallow study? I have heard of this. Oh, you have? Yes. With the kids, yes. Yes, the kids. Some backlash I okay. Go over the study, I'll talk about the backlash about it. But it's kind of obvious when you think about it, so go ahead. Yes, yes, yes. I have some notes in here on that too, for sure. Um, there was a study back in the 60s, so a very old study. Yeah. And they took these kids around age four and they were put in a room with a single treat, like a marshmallow. And the researcher gave the kid a choice, said, eat the marshmallow now, or wait 15 minutes until I come back and I'll give you a second treat. Yeah. So you'll get two if you wait. Yeah. And children use various strategies to resist. So they would like cover their eyes, turn their back, sing whatever. And decades later, they did a follow-up study, and the data from this suggested the children who were able to wait longer for the second reward had significantly better life outcomes, according to the study. Higher SAT scores, lower BMI, actually, lower rates of substance abuse, better stress tolerance, stronger relationships, et cetera. But there are critiques if you want to talk about some, and then I'll talk about some. Well, the main critique was this is the 60s, these were all little white kids. And they're all very privileged. Uh-huh. So the and that's another thing to talk about with this because it's really hard when you're in survival mode, just like you're talking about how we evolved that way. Yep. We evolved out of the scarcity mindset. So if you're in survival mode, it's always about instant gratification because you're trying to survive. So yeah, it's kind of privileged to talk about this subject in general to talk about delaying gratification because you can. So that's that is also a point that I was going to make, but also that is a critique nowadays about this study. Yes. So 100%. I mean, I'm assuming they're all white kids. Uh yeah, I didn't actually look, but it wasn't. Yeah, I mean one of the bigger critiques is no matter the race, definitely lower income background in general, will eat the marshmallow immediately. Because resources are scarce. I'm not saying yeah, it has nothing to do with race, it's about socioeconomic status, but let's correlate that. That correlates non-white people. 100% and lower. Yep. Yeah. Uh there's also uh safety. So one another critique of the study, in 2012, they found that if a child perceives the researcher as unreliable, they're a lot less likely to wait. Yeah. So they kind of, I don't know if they redid this study, but they basically found that if there's not trust, why would they trust that you're coming back with a second marshmallow? They're a fucking kid. That's actually, I mean, that's a really good critique too. Yeah. And I think the overarching theme of it is, yes, okay. If you have that natural inclination to do that, yeah, you're probably better off in a lot of areas, but I don't know. I'm really bad at it and I'm awesome. Yeah. I don't know. Like, that's what I'm saying. I, again, this isn't to shit on it, but if we're relating it to health and fitness, which obviously we are, generally doing that, like not working out, that would be instant gratification. You don't want to fucking do it, don't fucking do it. Right. So it's like, yeah, we want you to work out, we want you to push past that. We don't want you to eat chips and cookies for every meal, but some meals, it's fun. Yeah. So, and how does instant gratification affect mental health? I don't know if that's talked about enough. Yeah, I think that's important to point out because we're not just even talking about like food and exercise, right? We're also talking about like you're talking about mental health and your phones and just constant things that are making us basically you have these micro hits of dopamine all throughout your day now. Constantly. And it's raising your baseline tolerance, meaning everyday life starts to feel feel a little boring and flat if you're not getting it. You want to know why? It's because the social media is unearned dopamine. Right. When you earn dopamine hits, you it's uh you can get them more often, like as many as you want. But if they're earned, if you work for them, okay. That's what I do. Yeah. That's that's a good I like that. It's unearned if you just open up an app. Yeah. And I know that's probably a general way to say it, but if you think about it, you get the endorphins after you put in the work of working out. Yeah. And even you can feel better in general if you eat a healthier meal, right? You get a dopamine hit when you hit that sugar, but when that sugar wears off, it's like like a crack. This is also why I truly believe that if you're like making your meals at home, you can give in a little bit because you worked for it. Yeah, there's something with creating and then doing the thing. Yes. Okay, I love that you separated like that. Because I I that's what I do. Yes. And that's probably why I'm okay. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Again, and it's not my dopamine hits, I actually work for them. So that's yeah. Sometimes you don't, and that's fine. Yeah, yeah. Because we are all gonna default to our natural instincts sometimes. Totally. We're not fucking perfect. Yeah, the other thing that this constant dopamine does is it weakens our tolerance for distress. Yes. Right? Like our discomfort, like our tolerance for anything like that, our resilience can really can really be take a hit when we just give it a dopamine all the time. Yeah. I mean, it it's just like doing anything all the time. If you just constantly live in a world where you're just like quick hits, quick hits, quick. It's just like I don't want to say it's like being a drug addict, but kind of. It kind of is similar to the brain. Because if you I mean, drug addicts, they'll do be addicted to a drug and then they want more and more of it. So it's kind of the same if you have all these quote unearned dopamine hits. So yeah, yeah. There are there are some small benefits that can come with this whole system, right? Like quick wins. So you could use it to build momentum, which is something that I do. Like, you know, you can build momentum, you can use it for motivation if you're starting something new and you get like immediate dopamine hit or positive feedback. Yeah, that's a a one of the fastest ways to build a skill because it keeps you interested. So small pleasures like coffee for me in the morning. Love my dopamine hit from my latte, that's fine. Uh a song, things like that. They can regulate your mood and prevent burnout. So those are not necessarily bad, like if that's where you're getting your dopamine hit. And it's not like, even if it's your guilty pleasure, like that's not too bad. Right. It can it can really help. And uh and it can be a legitimate coping tool, especially music, I think. Yeah. So I don't know. I think again, it's more about what are you consistently doing all the time. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Are you trying to actively like fight against the urges? You know, it's it's like shopping, you know? You can I what the rule, you know, the rule. I think people, maybe scientists, I don't know, talk about it's like we have online shopping now. It's not going anywhere, we all do it. But if you want to buy something and it's a wand, just chill. Like maybe look at it, add it to your car, but don't buy it. Put in your cart and leave because you'll get a discount. Well, yeah. No, that's how I'm getting at. That's how I'm getting it. But that's what I do. Yeah. Or, yeah, or you get a discount, or you just might not want it anymore. Or you might just be like, eh, I don't need it. So that's true. It's like you're almost doing the act, but you're not. So, because that's a hard one for people. Yes, I actually love my favorite thing to do it when I travel is to go into little stores and look at all the little handmade shit. And I don't even need to buy anything. Yeah. I like to window shop. Yeah. You know? And so if you can do that online, that's fine. Waste an hour window shopping. So whatever. That's it. That's one way to over overcome instant gratification as far as shopping or I mean, even, man, I don't know. You could even do this at the grocery store. Like, let's say you're really hungry and you put the cookies in your cart, okay? And then at the when you're in the checkout line, look at those cookies for a second and be like, do you really want them? And you probably do because they're delicious. But you might not. You might just be like, all right, put this back. I mean, that's another way, I guess, as far as relating it to health and fitness, but I think most of the time it's awareness and figuring out how to practice pausing when whatever behavior you're trying to fix, whenever an urge, the urge, whatever urge strikes, just wait five to ten minutes before you give in. Yeah. And I think that is a good tool to just build patience in general, but it creates awareness and mindfulness, which you could also build through meditation. Yeah. You know, obviously, you know, people aren't necessarily good at staying consistent with that. Hello me. Well, meditation is also a prime example of delayed gratification. It is. Especially when you start, right? Like when it's horrible. You sit there and you're like, okay, when is the goodness gonna happen? Yeah. And it happens afterwards. It's a built thing, right? And so that is yeah, you have to be disciplined. Yes, and you will become more. And that's it's kind of funny to think about that because you're building delayed gratification through the practice of trying to delay gratification. You know what I mean? It's like, it's kind of cool. Yeah. It's like a two-for-one deal, but and you get more in touch with your emotions, which the more in touch you are with yourself, the more you're able to do that. Yes. But again, everyone's situation is different. And it might not be feasible for some people, but if you can, I mean, there's little, like almost like micro, micro patience building exercises you can do. I like it. Yeah. For little things here and there. I don't know. So yeah, I think um there's a also a term called hyperbolic, hyperbolic discounting. Yeah. Which I think is used in economics actually. And it's when we drastically undervalue future rewards compared to the present reward. So, you know, that's why we skip the workout, we skip putting money in savings and we spend it on something, or even like hard conversations, you know, we skip those. Yeah, you know, if you do enough of that, you're in a shitty situation later in life. Yeah, there was another, I don't know if it was a study, it was obviously more of like an object observational one, just asking people, it was some big lump sum of money right now, or it was like $30 a day for the rest of your life. And most people would take the lump sum. But it's like if you okay, hold on. But there's okay, we're talking investment because I was. I was gonna say my investment strategy would be Yeah, but I think it's more so for people to just like spend it. But you know, I would actually take the lump sum right now and make a good decision later. Yeah, but I mean, again, so anyways, money now is worth more than money later. Money, okay. This is not a financial process. It is not, it is not. Yeah, so yeah, I think also visualizing the outcome as far as especially when we're talking, bringing it back to working out and eating healthy, yeah, visualize, you know, hitting that PR in the gym, visualize going to the gym even before you go. Maybe you just need that to help you. Visualize you completing the workout, visualize, you know, the the you know, fit body that you want. You know, no, we're not necessarily like, don't only train for that, but you know, if it if it helps you to eat a little healthier and focus on your protein and visualize the muscle that you want to build, let's go with that. You know, I don't know. So that that I think helps, but all of it together is the best. Don't we have a podcast where we talk about visualization? Probably. I think we do. We sure do. I don't remember what it was. We've done so many now. Yeah. Seems like a lot. We're pretty high up there. Yeah. We are. So, yes, it's all like the snack, you know, the snack example, it's like, don't keep it in your house. Yeah. Okay. I think that's good advice. Although I do have ice cream in my freezer now, but it's these little teeny ones. Fit it into your calories. I'm like, oh, just a little teeny one. Yeah. So I think and always tell yourself it's okay to have it too. Because we wouldn't ever want anyone to restrict. But the act of having to put on your shoes and going to drive to get ice cream or chip, it you probably won't do it. Although you will because there's cold stone down the street and you're like, that's fresh, right? But then you work for it. Well, yeah, and then, but how often are you really gonna do that? Not often, probably like once in a while that you're actually gonna get your ass up and go. Because most of the time you're just wanting it just because not, I mean, well, I guess when you're eating it if you want it just because always, but I don't know. Yeah, you know, summertime. Yeah. My dad's town is the best item in the world. One, yeah, it's very good. Real good. You gotta get it there in the yeah, very good. Okay, okay, all right, all right, that's it. That's it. Peace out.